I seem to be able to be really optimistic for other people. I always tell them what the bright side is, or the silver linings to their conundrums. I can easily find good things in other peoples' situations, and I'm glad I can help them like that.
But I really can't seem to see my own. Huh.
22 October 2012
18 October 2012
Humbled.
I'm trying to be modest, but no matter how I say this, it's going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn, so here goes. This semester, at my university, I have won three things. THREE. I normally win nothing, ever.
And this is all the more shocking to me because it is university.
I mean, I won things at school, nothing ever major, but still certificates and such, because there were 800 students in the school. Total. My chances of winning stuff for participation and 'endeavour' (f'in PC rubbish) were reasonably high.
I NEVER, EVER thought I would win ANYTHING from university, because there are around 22,000 students. And I thought all of them would be way better than me at everything, that I would struggle through my degree, get to the other side, and begin working, having been a nobody at university, my only recognition being a piece of paper that said Hanna Jackson, Bachelor of Arts - Criminology and Anthropology.
Don't get me wrong, I kind of still AM a nobody. But I'm a nobody with 3 awards. While they may seem small, or trivial, they seem big to me because they come from university. Which is way harder than school, and more competitive.
Let me set the scene. It's February 2011, and I'm crapping myself because my first year of university is about to begin. I get there, I love it, hate my hall of residence because it was antisocial and I met pretty much noone.
Flash forward to June, first semester has gone well, I passed with an A in one subject even! I began to get sick in June. Started the flare up that was to be my worst. My grades fell, got worse, I wasn't even sure I was going to pass French (I did, with B-, I don't even know how), I finished my exam at the end of October and FLEW into full time work for summer.
Flash forward to New Years Eve, I'm bedridden for the next month, and not from any ill-fated drinking. I'm so, so sick. Then I started getting better in February 2012, after drs appointments, hopsital visits, medication and procedures. My first semester of 2012 was concentrated on "getting better" and coping, all the while still working one day a week.
Now this semester, this is where the good stuff happens. I quit my job, I'm in the swing of study, I decide to volunteer with the Disability Services to take notes for impaired students in my classes, because my friends are always telling me how amazing my notes are, so why not share? I also decided to sign up with Disability Services myself, so that, should I ever need their help if I got really ill again, I'd already be signed up with them. I viewed this as a sort of give and take relationship. I was giving back by volunteering.
Fast forward to October, and I get an email informing me I'm receiving an "Outstanding Volunteer of the Year 2012" award for my note taking. This blew me away, firstly because at that stage, I'd only been notetaking for 7 weeks; not even the full year! And also, getting recognition for something like this is so amazing. And completely unexpected. I got a lovely certificate, and a beautiful book (I REALLY LOVE BOOKS), and had a wonderful evening at the 'Council Chambers' at university, which I didn't even know existed but are really pretty, with nice food and my parents were even allowed to come - they were so proud. There were ten of us who got the award, but it's still very special because I volunteered for the good of it, not for want of recognition.
Then, this week in Criminology class, it was our final lecture, and our lecturer puts up a slide in class announcing award winners, for like the best essay, and the best marks on the test, etc. She gets to the category at the bottom, for "Contribution in Class"... and voila! My name is there. I'm sitting smack bang in the middle of the lecture theatre going "omg what?!" while my friends are laughing at me. Apparently this award is given out based on feedback from tutors, and participation in the lectures (like answering questions and stuff) and from my tute, my tutor picked me and Lizzy, the lecturer, agreed! WHATTTT. So that was pretty cool. Not majorly prestigious or anything, but to be noticed out of a class of 200-ish, is somewhat surprising. I must really make an impact hahaha. I also got a lovely block of chocolate as a prize hehe. It's sitting in my drawer staring at me, going "eat me, eat me!"
Finally, today, something ELSE amazing happened. A few weeks ago I had submitted an application for something called an Access Award, something you get given for overcoming adversity and illness/disability/impairment, approaching your study with a positive attitude, with marked improvement in your grades and results. I wasn't sure about entering, since I personally don't consider Crohn's to be a disability, but it does affect my financial circumstances. Anyway, I applied for this award thinking "I'm not sure I even qualify, so I'm not going to tell anyone I'm applying because then they won't be disappointed if I don't get anything, but I'll apply anyway because I have nothing to lose in doing so". So I did.
AND I FREAKING WON. There were several winners, obviously, but I won a part of it! I get a sum of money toward financial costs/whatever I want. I am SO happy because I've been so stressed about how I'm going to pay for the new tyres on my car (since I don't officially have a job at the moment) and this solves it! And I'll still have a decent amount left over to put into my savings. I actually cried when I got the email this morning because I genuinely didn't think I'd get anything, and was just kind of ho-hum about it.
So these three things have made this semester my best semester so far, even if my grades have been a bit poor... (poor by my standards being under a B+ haha). And I don't mean to be immodest by talking about it, but I'm just SO thrilled and ecstatic and wanted to finally share some good news on my blog, because there isn't enough good news in this world
And this is all the more shocking to me because it is university.
I mean, I won things at school, nothing ever major, but still certificates and such, because there were 800 students in the school. Total. My chances of winning stuff for participation and 'endeavour' (f'in PC rubbish) were reasonably high.
I NEVER, EVER thought I would win ANYTHING from university, because there are around 22,000 students. And I thought all of them would be way better than me at everything, that I would struggle through my degree, get to the other side, and begin working, having been a nobody at university, my only recognition being a piece of paper that said Hanna Jackson, Bachelor of Arts - Criminology and Anthropology.
Don't get me wrong, I kind of still AM a nobody. But I'm a nobody with 3 awards. While they may seem small, or trivial, they seem big to me because they come from university. Which is way harder than school, and more competitive.
Let me set the scene. It's February 2011, and I'm crapping myself because my first year of university is about to begin. I get there, I love it, hate my hall of residence because it was antisocial and I met pretty much noone.
Flash forward to June, first semester has gone well, I passed with an A in one subject even! I began to get sick in June. Started the flare up that was to be my worst. My grades fell, got worse, I wasn't even sure I was going to pass French (I did, with B-, I don't even know how), I finished my exam at the end of October and FLEW into full time work for summer.
Flash forward to New Years Eve, I'm bedridden for the next month, and not from any ill-fated drinking. I'm so, so sick. Then I started getting better in February 2012, after drs appointments, hopsital visits, medication and procedures. My first semester of 2012 was concentrated on "getting better" and coping, all the while still working one day a week.
Now this semester, this is where the good stuff happens. I quit my job, I'm in the swing of study, I decide to volunteer with the Disability Services to take notes for impaired students in my classes, because my friends are always telling me how amazing my notes are, so why not share? I also decided to sign up with Disability Services myself, so that, should I ever need their help if I got really ill again, I'd already be signed up with them. I viewed this as a sort of give and take relationship. I was giving back by volunteering.
Fast forward to October, and I get an email informing me I'm receiving an "Outstanding Volunteer of the Year 2012" award for my note taking. This blew me away, firstly because at that stage, I'd only been notetaking for 7 weeks; not even the full year! And also, getting recognition for something like this is so amazing. And completely unexpected. I got a lovely certificate, and a beautiful book (I REALLY LOVE BOOKS), and had a wonderful evening at the 'Council Chambers' at university, which I didn't even know existed but are really pretty, with nice food and my parents were even allowed to come - they were so proud. There were ten of us who got the award, but it's still very special because I volunteered for the good of it, not for want of recognition.
 |
| Me with my Outstanding Volunteer of the Year Award 2012 |
Then, this week in Criminology class, it was our final lecture, and our lecturer puts up a slide in class announcing award winners, for like the best essay, and the best marks on the test, etc. She gets to the category at the bottom, for "Contribution in Class"... and voila! My name is there. I'm sitting smack bang in the middle of the lecture theatre going "omg what?!" while my friends are laughing at me. Apparently this award is given out based on feedback from tutors, and participation in the lectures (like answering questions and stuff) and from my tute, my tutor picked me and Lizzy, the lecturer, agreed! WHATTTT. So that was pretty cool. Not majorly prestigious or anything, but to be noticed out of a class of 200-ish, is somewhat surprising. I must really make an impact hahaha. I also got a lovely block of chocolate as a prize hehe. It's sitting in my drawer staring at me, going "eat me, eat me!"
Finally, today, something ELSE amazing happened. A few weeks ago I had submitted an application for something called an Access Award, something you get given for overcoming adversity and illness/disability/impairment, approaching your study with a positive attitude, with marked improvement in your grades and results. I wasn't sure about entering, since I personally don't consider Crohn's to be a disability, but it does affect my financial circumstances. Anyway, I applied for this award thinking "I'm not sure I even qualify, so I'm not going to tell anyone I'm applying because then they won't be disappointed if I don't get anything, but I'll apply anyway because I have nothing to lose in doing so". So I did.
AND I FREAKING WON. There were several winners, obviously, but I won a part of it! I get a sum of money toward financial costs/whatever I want. I am SO happy because I've been so stressed about how I'm going to pay for the new tyres on my car (since I don't officially have a job at the moment) and this solves it! And I'll still have a decent amount left over to put into my savings. I actually cried when I got the email this morning because I genuinely didn't think I'd get anything, and was just kind of ho-hum about it.
So these three things have made this semester my best semester so far, even if my grades have been a bit poor... (poor by my standards being under a B+ haha). And I don't mean to be immodest by talking about it, but I'm just SO thrilled and ecstatic and wanted to finally share some good news on my blog, because there isn't enough good news in this world
16 October 2012
For a Bit of Fun...
50 Questions You've Never Been Asked
I love vanilla or anything berry
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
Probably Taylor Swift... we'd have so much fun baking and talking about cats. :P Katy Perry and Kate Walsh would be awesome older sisters.
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
Ooh I don't know. Nobody hot, because it would be SO wrong to fancy them. Maybe Jack Black or Steve Carrell cos they're hilarious.
4. How old do you think you'll be when you get married?
Old enough haha. If it ever happens. I hope late 20s early 30s?
5. Do you know a hoarder?
Not that I can think of.
6. Can you do a split?
Not anymore! :(
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
Like 4 or 5?
8. How many oceans have you swam in?
I actually hate swimming in the ocean. And I don't even know the names of the ones I've swum in haha but I've swum at beaches around NZ, also South East Asia, Greece, France...
9. How many countries have you been to?
Now this I DO keep tabs on! I've been to 29!
10. Is anyone in your family in the army?
Yes my Dad used to be.
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?
Cadence, or Cassidy for first names. Lily (for my Nan) or Gabriella (for my Mum) for second names.
12. What would you name your son if you had one?
I don't know! Maybe something traditional.
13. What's the worst grade you got on a test?
Ohhh uhm. I got a C for an assignment at college last year. From school, I failed some chemistry papers and statistics papers.
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
Ooh I liked a lot. I really loved Full House when I was younger. And then Lizzie Maguire.
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
We don't really celebrate Halloween in NZ, so I never dressed up as anything.
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
Only Harry Potter.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
British. Duh.
18. Did your mother go to college?
No, not until she was in her late 30s, and she didn't complete it.
19. Are your grandparents still married?
Yes, both sets, although my Pop died in 2004.
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?
No, but I took jiu-jitsu for a while.
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
Of course! He's the best!
22. What's the first amusement park you've been to?
Rainbows End in Auckland, NZ.
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?
Well English is my native language, and I know a lot of French so it would be nice to be fluent in that, and also Spanish, because I wanted to learn that but my school didn't offer it, so I took French instead.
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?
Grey
25. Is your father bald?
No
26. Do you know triplets?
Yes
27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
Well probably The Notebook, although I've only seen it once and I don't remember it terribly well. But Titanic, it's just sooooo long!
28. Have you ever had Indian food?
Of course - I love it!
29. What's the name of your favorite restaurant?
I don't have a favourite favourite, but I love Arzum Turkish Kebabs which is like half an hour from my house. Amazing.
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
No, didn't go there when I was in USA, and we don't have them here in NZ.
31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ's, etc.)?
We don't really have those in NZ either. Probably the equivalent is Moore Wilsons, and I don't belong there lol.
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
They actually hadn't picked a boys name, so lucky I came out a girl. I was almost called Emma though.
33. If you have a nickname, what is it?
Little J, Han, or Hanna-Banana
34. Who's your favorite person in the world?
That's a hard one. Just one person? Can't do it. Too many amazing people in my life.
35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
I like suburbs, being close to friends and family and not having to travel 1/2 an hour for most things is nice haha
36. Can you whistle?
Yes
37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?
Haha no.
38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
Try to! I don't think I've skipped in a year or two.
39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?
Yes
40. What medical conditions do you have?
Crohns' disease, chronic compartment syndrome of the lower legs, RSI (or OOS) in my right wrist, asthma, eczema...
41. How many times have you been to the hospital?
Never been admitted overnight or anything, but I've been a few times as a day patient.
42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
YES I love that movie!
43. Where do you buy your jeans?
Farmers
44. What's the last compliment you got?
That I'm have a beautiful soul and am an amazing friend. *shucks*
45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
Only if they are really bad or really good.
46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?
Blackcurrant apple tea.
47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
Not enough haha. I have chucks, sneakers, jandals, like 2 pairs of sandals, wedges, high heels, boots. That's it.
48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?
Whatever they want to practice. I will let them choose to have one or not.
49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn't real?
Maybe when I was like 7 or 8?
50. Why do you have a tumblr?
Because I can! :P And because I love making a space where it is totally me.
12 October 2012
A Bit Lost
I'm not sure what's going on with me right now.
I do know I'm really mad at myself.
I do know I look like shit.
I do know I'm trying my best.
I do know that I want to cry at the stupidest, tiniest things.
I do know I'm stressed about uni work.
I don't know how to stop.
But I'm aware of this. And I'm not going back to 2007. Ever.
I do know I'm really mad at myself.
I do know I look like shit.
I do know I'm trying my best.
I do know that I want to cry at the stupidest, tiniest things.
I do know I'm stressed about uni work.
I don't know how to stop.
But I'm aware of this. And I'm not going back to 2007. Ever.
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