2013 - I want a refund.

It's been a pretty shit year in all honesty.  So I've been playing the absentee card from my blog here, because who knows what kinda crazy I'm liable to spew out when I'm emotional.

Enough of that though, I actually have something I want to talk about.  I thought about it on the train to uni this morning, and I remember thinking "man, I should write this down so I remember to write a blog about it later because this is an awesome anecdote to write a blog about". 

While I did not write it down, by some miracle I did remember what it was, and here I am writing about it.  However, this may have something to do with the extreme procrastination I am undertaking these days.  Only 6 more weeks of my undergraduate career to go... thank god.  I'm so over study.

Anywho, back to said anecdote.  Although it's not really an anecdote.  More of a thought.

At what point does a boyfriend (or girlfriend for that matter) become called a partner?!

Is it when you consider yourself too old to use the juvenile terminology of 'boyfriend' and it conjures up a youthful existence you wish never to return to? 

Is it when you're post-boyfriend stage but pre-fiance stage, where you're not freshly together, routine has set in, you're comfortable with each other, but you're not at the next stage of committment?

Is it when you move in together?  In which case saying "I live with my partner" sounds much more mature and serious than "I live with my boyfriend".

Or is it perhaps because you just don't like the word?

I think it's an interesting conundrum.  I don't know why this thought suddenly plagued me on the train at 10am, and I really have no opinion or clue about this (in spite of the relationship advice I seem to be constantly giving my friends... have they not noticed I've been single for 3 years?!) so comment what you think. 

Because it's a funny one. 

Life is all about balance, right?

The balance between work and play.

The balance between good food and bad.

The balance between exercise and rest.

The balance between relaxation and productivity.

There is one balance I'm finding it hard to get my head around.  

You see,  there are several types of people and approaches when it comes to the ever-popular topic of body weight/fitness/weight loss.  I'm going to make a list, because I really like lists.

1. The people who go "embrace your curves, you don't need to change, as long as you're happy, that is all that matters, beauty is beauty regardless of size, eat what you want, who cares what anyone else thinks".  This makes me feel like why bother?
2. The people who go "health and fitness is a lifestyle, you feel so amazing eating the right things, you'll be so much happier, you'll have so much more energy from working out, it's so worth it, it might be hard but keep going, healthy weight is important, get your summer body all year round".  This makes me think well that would be nice to be healthy, and look amazing like everyone else.
3. The people who go "obsess over every calorie, get rid of carbs, carbs are evil, thigh gaps are important, hipbones and collar bones are the things you want, who cares about strength, just be skinny so you can fit into smaller clothes, run until you can't feel anything anymore, people who aren't skinny are disgusting slobs".  This makes me feel stupid and inadequate for being anything other than skinny.

So where do I fit?  Well I guess you can't be a mix of all 3.  You can't say "embrace your curves, beauty at every size", but then do everything in your power to reduce them.  It's hypocritical.  It's like by choosing one, you're telling everyone else they're inferior.  

I am overweight, obese if you believe in BMIs, and I don't like how I look.  People say "embrace your curves, you're beautiful as you are" to people who look just like me, and yet here I am yearning to look like Miranda Kerr (no shit, have you seen her body?!), or Katy Perry (she's not a stick, she's perf!), or Kaley Cuoco (who coincidentally is the exact same height as me... can you imagine me looking as hot as her... whoah.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that finding the equilibrium between being happy with what I have, and striving for something better (in the sense of healthier, fitter, smaller) ostracizes some, and includes me in other groups.  I do believe that everyone is beautiful no matter what size they are, but I feel like a dick for saying "I believe that, but I'm trying to lose weight and get fitter myself".  I'm talking the talk but not walking the walk.  I don't know where I belong.  I don't even know what the point of this blog was, except to try and put my thoughts in order.  Hmm.

For a Bit of Fun...

50 Questions You've Never Been Asked 

 

1. What's your favorite candle scent? 
I love vanilla or anything berry

 
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

Probably Taylor Swift... we'd have so much fun baking and talking about cats. :P  Katy Perry and Kate Walsh would be awesome older sisters.

 
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Ooh I don't know.  Nobody hot, because it would be SO wrong to fancy them.  Maybe Jack Black or Steve Carrell cos they're hilarious.

4. How old do you think you'll be when you get married?

Old enough haha.  If it ever happens.  I hope late 20s early 30s?

5. Do you know a hoarder?

Not that I can think of.

 
6. Can you do a split?

Not anymore! :(  

 
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Like 4 or 5?

 
8. How many oceans have you swam in?

I actually hate swimming in the ocean.  And I don't even know the names of the ones I've swum in haha but I've swum at beaches around NZ, also South East Asia, Greece, France...

 
9. How many countries have you been to?

Now this I DO keep tabs on!  I've been to 29!

 
10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

Yes my Dad used to be.  

 
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

Cadence, or Cassidy for first names.  Lily (for my Nan) or Gabriella (for my Mum) for second names.

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

I don't know!  Maybe something traditional.

 
13. What's the worst grade you got on a test?

Ohhh uhm.  I got a C for an assignment at college last year.  From school, I failed some chemistry papers and statistics papers.  

 
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

Ooh I liked a lot.  I really loved Full House when I was younger.  And then Lizzie Maguire.

 
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

We don't really celebrate Halloween in NZ, so I never dressed up as anything.

 
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

Only Harry Potter.

 
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

British.  Duh.

18. Did your mother go to college?

No, not until she was in her late 30s, and she didn't complete it.

 
19. Are your grandparents still married?

Yes, both sets, although my Pop died in 2004.

 
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

No, but I took jiu-jitsu for a while.

 
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

Of course!  He's the best!

 
22. What's the first amusement park you've been to?

Rainbows End in Auckland, NZ.

 
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Well English is my native language, and I know a lot of French so it would be nice to be fluent in that, and also Spanish, because I wanted to learn that but my school didn't offer it, so I took French instead.

 
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

Grey

 
25. Is your father bald?

No

 
26. Do you know triplets?

Yes

 
27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

Well probably The Notebook, although I've only seen it once and I don't remember it terribly well.  But Titanic, it's just sooooo long!  

 
28. Have you ever had Indian food?

Of course - I love it!

 
29. What's the name of your favorite restaurant?

I don't have a favourite favourite, but I love Arzum Turkish Kebabs which is like half an hour from my house.  Amazing.

 
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

No, didn't go there when I was in USA, and we don't have them here in NZ.

 
31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ's, etc.)?

We don't really have those in NZ either.  Probably the equivalent is Moore Wilsons, and I don't belong there lol.

 
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

They actually hadn't picked a boys name, so lucky I came out a girl.  I was almost called Emma though.

 
33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

Little J, Han, or Hanna-Banana

 
34. Who's your favorite person in the world?

That's a hard one.  Just one person?  Can't do it.  Too many amazing people in my life.

 
35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

I like suburbs, being close to friends and family and not having to travel 1/2 an hour for most things is nice haha

 
36. Can you whistle?

Yes

 
37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

Haha no.

 
38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

Try to!  I don't think I've skipped in a year or two.

 
39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

Yes

 
40. What medical conditions do you have?

Crohns' disease, chronic compartment syndrome of the lower legs, RSI (or OOS) in my right wrist, asthma, eczema...

 
41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

Never been admitted overnight or anything, but I've been a few times as a day patient.

 
42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

YES I love that movie!

 
43. Where do you buy your jeans?

Farmers

 
44. What's the last compliment you got?

That I'm have a beautiful soul and am an amazing friend.  *shucks*

 
45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

Only if they are really bad or really good.

 
46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

Blackcurrant apple tea.

 
47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

Not enough haha.  I have chucks, sneakers, jandals, like 2 pairs of sandals, wedges, high heels, boots.  That's it.

 
48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

Whatever they want to practice.  I will let them choose to have one or not.

 
49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn't real?

Maybe when I was like 7 or 8?

50. Why do you have a tumblr? 

Because I can! :P And because I love making a space where it is totally me.