Productive Yet... Not?

Today has been a bit of a mixed bag.  I'm not sure if I've been productive or not. 

I was hoping to do lots of uni work, but instead I helped vacuum and rearrange the lounge. Then I went to the supermarket to do the groceries for my family.  Fluffed around there waiting for the car to get a warrant of fitness (Dad was doing that while I was getting groceries).  We killed time in the library.  I got a book out.  A fun book, instead of a uni one, which made a nice change.

Then we came home, I unpacked the groceries, baked double fudge brownie muffins, and banana oatmeal cranberry chocolate chip muffins (both recipes on my other blog www.hannasedibleescapades.blogspot.co.nz - follow me!  Strangely I have 7 followers on my personal blog, but only 2 on my public?  Weird haha.) and then cooked tuna pasta bake (the latest post on my food blog).  I feel like I haven't really sat down since then.

Now it's almost time for bed... well... drawing close to 9pm.  Which in an ideal world, I'd be in bed by 9.30 pm and asleep by 10, so when I get up at 5.45am, I feel refreshed, which I never do.

AND I HAVEN'T TOUCHED MY STUDY.

Now you may think I'm going all "Hermione" about my study, but really, I need to do some - I have an assignment due next week, then two weeks after that a major essay, plus I've fallen behind on my notes (which I have to give to people in one of my classes with disabilities - it's volunteering thingymabob) and ahhhhhhh so much to do.  So many readings.  So many notes.

Yet as I say all this, I realise how stupid it is that I'm sitting online writing this blog when I *could* be doing what I just mentioned.  Duh.  I do love to procrastinate.  It's a real problem.  :(

A Month Flies

It's already been a month since my last blog?!  Where did the time go?!  I'm honestly so slack at writing this blog, I guess I don't have the passion for it anymore.  But it's nice to still have it and be able to write and vent when I need to. 

A lot has happened in a month.  If you're not my friend on FB, or a follower on Twitter or Tumblr, then you probably don't know I quit my job, and my family got a puppy.  Two major happenings.  :)  Not really going to talk about the job thing, since it's always said to be a bad idea to talk about work online, and I agree.  You never know who reads your blogs.

As for the puppy, his name is Levi, he's a maltese chihuahua cross, and he is ridiculously adorable.  Here is a picture from bathtime:

And here he is, looking less alien, full fluff:

 

He is about 4 months old, is very playful, is learning tricks and commands very fast, but his toilet training is taking longer.  Less than ideal.   But we love him anyway.  & talk about cheeky!!

We have 3 cats and they don't seem to care too much.  They were wary until they realised they could whack him and he'd run away.  :D

As for my health, since I wrote a lot about it when I was sick, I figure I should probably update.  I'm all good.  Well, as good as I can be, when taking 6 pills twice a day for the rest of my life. 

Funny how things change though.  Back when I was in denial and still not talking about my illness, my day seemed to revolve around my taking of these pills I so loathed (and which, in all honesty, I used to NOT take).  I would dread it, the thought of it consumed me. 

But now, it's just a small part of my day, so routine I barely think about it, doing it on autopilot and then wondering hours later... "did I take my pills this morning?"... hmm.  Funny.

Semester 2 at uni has begun.  I'm doing a paper in Anthropology (culture and experience - quite psychological... -_-), Religious Studies (Buddhism), and Criminology (about crime in NZ).  They are all pretty good.  Although there is a crapload of reading for Buddhism, bordering on torture.

My papers last semester went well, I passed with A-, A-, and B+.  :)   Not bad for someone who was almost dying in January.

Anywho, that's all for now.  I'm sure I'll be back to bitch about something or other soon ish. 

Having a Moment...

It's ok to have moments, so I keep telling people; pity-parties as I call them.  Maybe I should take my own advice and have a moment and be ok with it.  Sometimes I feel like a failure if I do.  I'm supposed to be strong, and I'm stubborn that it's hard to let that fall down. 

It's hard to stay positive all the time.  I think my current moment is mostly about jealousy.  And I know that it's an ugly emotion, and we shouldn't show it.  But I'm jealous because life is so unfair sometimes.

I see all my friends out there, living, having lives, having fun, and I'm at home, not going anywhere or doing anything because I have no money, and I am busy at uni.  Yes, I am accomplishing university, but there are always going to be people with better grades, coping better with their studies, and that's most of my friends.  Which makes me feel useless.

All of my friends are doing amazing at whatever they are doing.  I know a lot of them worked hard for it, but it doesn't make me any less envious.  Some are travelling the world, some are embracing healthier lifestyles, some are graduating, some are getting amazing jobs, some are making an impact just by existing.  Why can't I seem to do this too?

I know people tell me I am helping, I am making a difference... but I certainly don't feel like I am, or like I'm achieving anything.  

I feel like I'm just hovering.  I'm not really living.

Pictures Say It Better Than I Ever Could

Giving Something Back

I was once told that I was selfish.  

I can't remember who, or when, or exactly how.  But the overall impression has stuck with me for years.  It made me feel SO bad.  I didn't think I was a selfish person.  In fact, I used to go out of my way not to be.  And it only took one comment, from one person, to give me a complex about it.  It was said to me again when I was about 18 or 19, by someone who tried to tell me that "although she was a poor student, she still gave to charity"... implying I don't, because I'm too selfish (there was a lot more context that allowed me to draw that conclusion just fyi).  Needless to say, I am no longer in contact with either of those people, because both of them (not just their comments) affected me super negatively, and they drained me emotionally.  You don't need people like that in your life.

So this is also a warning - be careful what you say to people.  You could really affect them.  Never tell anyone they are fat.  Never tell anyone they are selfish.  People just need to be nicer.  But anyway, this isn't a post about that.  That is just background for what I really want to talk about.

Since those comments were made, as I said, I've gone out of my way to make sure noone ever calls me that again.  (and I'm not trying to toot my own horn here btw)

I volunteered for 2+ years at an animal rescue shelter, with gorgeous kitties (and we ended up adopting one!)

We got our other 2 kitties from the local SPCA.

I always give to charities when they are doing street collecting

I was a street collector myself for the Breast Cancer Awareness day

I took part in a day my class held for the "Make Poverty History" campaign when we noticed the bracelet our teacher was wearing from the campaign, and we sold chocolate and things and raised money for it

I always baked stuff for the fundraising bake sales we had at school for charity

I always did the 40hr famine at school

I helped my year group participate in the Relay4Life (I couldn't run myself, I was ill at the time, but I fundraised)

I always donate to causes close to my heart, for people I know, like my friend doing Relay4Life, or my cousins doing a run for Leprosy, or my friends little sisters summer camp, or a local radio DJ doing an alcohol fast in Feb (FebFast), even when I don't have any money.

My family had a sponsor child for a long time

I used to drive my friends all over the place, and they almost never gave me petrol money, but I always offered to take them home anyway.

I was often the sober driver, since I didn't drink anyway.

I can't think of anything else at the moment, but that's just a few of the things I can remember.  As I said, I'm not trying to brag about what I've done.  But I love helping people and animals.  And I love giving back.  Since I've been at university, I have been kind of busy, of course, with study and such.  But I've decided it's time to give back to the university. 

So I signed up to be an international buddy.  What this means is that I get paired with a new international student coming to my university, and I get to email them and answer their questions before they come to NZ, and then when they are here, we get to participate in activities together, and I help show them around and all that jazz.  It sounds quite fun.  It's unpaid, which is fine by me, and you get a participation certificate, but most importantly, you get to make new friends!  Weehoo! :)  I'm looking forward to this!

I also just signed up to be a note taker for the 3 papers I'm taking next semester, in case there is anyone in my class who has a disability that impairs their note-taking skills.  Since I take mahhvelous notes (according to many who have borrowed them haha) I figured why not help others at the same time! :)  It's not much extra work to email a copy of my notes to a co-ordinator who will forward them on to someone who really needs them! :)

So next semester, I begin to give back.  And I'm excited.  There's nothing quite like the high you get from doing that.

Crazy Beans

Well well well.  My blog has been somewhat neglected again.  This simply will not do!  I must find time to write; it is rather theraputic.

What has been going on?  Basically just crazyness.  It has been SO busy, with uni, work and life!  While uni is only 3 days a week, and work 1 day a week, it's been so tiring commuting (1hr each way) each uni day and doing study when I'm not at uni, and working - for a while I was being rostered 2 days a week - both days of the weekend - and just was not coping with that, plus I never got to see my family. 

Uni is going well.  I am really enjoying my criminology course, it's super interesting.  And I'm getting good grades for it, so I'm happy :D  As for Anthropology...well.  Hmm.  I loved it last year, but this paper on Ritual in the Modern World... not so much.  The first lecturer we had (in the first half) left a lot to be desired, and I have no clue what we are supposed to have learned thus far.  Our current lecturer (here for the second half) has been good so far, but I'm still not sure what we are supposed to have learned haha.  And my Judaism Religious Studies paper, it's simply fascinating.  I feel like I haven't learned much, but then I turn around and am able to have long conversations about the impact of Christian anti-Semitism over two thousand millenia that may have contributed to the Holocaust/Shoah.  I would never have been able to talk about that prior to this course haha!

As for work, I still love my job, I love what I do, and I work with some really cool people.  But it seems that work is almost too far from where I live, and what I earn hardly covers the petrol I use to get there and back haha.  So I'm keeping an eye out for something closer to home.  To save petrol and commuting.  If I don't find anything, that's ok too because I would quite like to still have my current job at Christmas, since there are heaps of extra hours and shifts around that time.  Before you jump down my throat though, DON'T WORRY I won't let myself get sick and super run down and stressed out like I did last year!  :)  I have learned my lesson.

Speaking of being sick, which I currently am not really (just tired... and sick of uni essays lol!), my medication is going well, and I've found I'm talking to people more readily about it.  Yesterday, May 16th, I went to an awareness raising event for IBD at Parliament in Wellington.  It was neat, we were all dressed in purple and we made some pictures...

Isn't that cool?! :)  It was the first time I'd ever been to Parliament, and also the first time I'd had anything to do with CCNZ (Crohn's Colitis New Zealand).  I'm glad I went.

That's enough for now.  I'll try not to leave it so long next time.

It's Been A While...!

10 days since my last post... That's a bit slack!  So much for more blog writing!!!  Well, semi-slack.  I HAVE been writing, but on my food blog!  Weehooooo!! I've been having so much fun making stuff for my family, and trying new recipes and experimenting in the kitchen... and after I've cooked, eaten, tidied up, and then WRITTEN about what I've made, I'm too exhausted for my other blog!!!  But that's ok, I guess, because I am still writing!

Tonight I'm making brisket, which is kind of exciting because the only time I had ever heard of brisket was in stereotypes of Jewish families eating brisket.  Also, Howards mom on Big Bang Theory makes a legendary brisket, apparently.  But anywho, my mum bought some beef brisket, and then I investigated how to cook it, and oh my, it's smelling delicious.  Make sure you check out my food blog for the verdict... :)

In other news, university goes back on 5th March (Monday) but I don't have any classes on a Monday so I'm not back until the 6th!!!  I'm super excited about it, although not looking forward to getting up super early for the train.  I will be catching the train in the morning with my dad though, which will be nice.  :)  As for the afternoons, it just depends when my last class of the day is.

It's Mums birthday on Friday, so we're going out for dinner that night, and then on Saturday we're going to the 2nd round of the fair I went to earlier in February, so should be a fun last-weekend-of-freedom-before-uni! :) I'm looking forward to the fair, and going back to the places that were so good last time! :)

OH and another special reason for posting a blog today... it's the TWENTY-NINTH OF FEBRUARY!!  So happy birthday for anyone who only gets their real birthday once every four years, and congratulations to all those newly engaged couples where the girl took the lead and proposed on this most wonderful of leap year days.  :)

As for my health, feeling better, but getting pretty bad moonface at nights now.   Which sucks.  Insomnia is pretty much gone, I sleep so deeply at night now, I don't even notice the cats!  I'm still kinda weak in the legs sometimes, and need to go push-biking or something to build it up.

That's all for now, this was a kinda bitsy blog with no real purpose except verbal diarrhea haha... so yeah.  Rambling.  I promise to have some purpose to my next one.