Fresh-Start February

It's a new month.  This means a good place for a fresh start.

If you're my friend on FB, you'll know I spent almost ALL of January sick in bed, not eating, barely moving, wasting away.  However, on the 20th I had an iron infusion, and then a week later some more diagnostics, and we now know what is properly wrong with me.  I'm still broken, but it's a different kind of broken to what we had been previously told.

But that is not what this post is about.

This post is about how I'm feeling better.  I'm finally eating again, I'm still sick, but I'm optimistic.  Yes, the new diagnosis is worse.  But I'm determined that I will rule it, it will not rule me.

So, on that note, I'm going to outline some things I'm doing for the better.  

Cooking

I'm trying to cook more meals at my house, for many reasons.  

Trying new recipes, I want to expand my cooking repertoire.  I want to learn new recipes, and I also want to try healthier cooking.  The town I live in has like, zero fast food options, which is good, and it is forcing me to think outside the box, and look up recipes.  This has led to a slight www.pinterest.com addiction, but there are so many good ideas there, I can't resist.  

So far I have made nachos, spaghetti with vodka cream sauce, tuna rostis, devilled sausages, and potato bake, and there are many more new culinary adventures to come.   

I also am cooking more because I am feeling better and can handle it, but also because I want to contribute to my house.  My parents both work full time now (only a recent development, mum just started a new job) and I'm too sick to work, so I'm at home all day.  I spend the day thinking about what I'm going to cook for them to arrive home to.  So far it is working well.  

Things might change a bit when it comes time for me to return to university, because I'll be commuting and arriving home late too, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Plus, it'll be cooling down into winter soon, so I will get to try some of the amazing crock pot (slow cooker) recipes I have found.  :)

Blogging

I'm going to try and blog more.  My blog has been a bit neglected, and I think my FB friends might get a bit sick of me sharing my culinary adventures and my health woes (although having said that, I DO try to keep my health issues off FB... FB is supposed to be more for social fun!), so I'm going to try and write more blog posts, about food, about my health and anything that crosses my mind. 

It's not going to be literary genius, of course, but I think it will be a good place to write what I'm thinking, and I don't actually care if anyone reads it or not.  It's more for me.  Cos sometimes, the thoughts chasing around my brain drive me nuts, and don't help the stupid insomnia.  That's why I also keep a pen and paper by my bed, cos I find if I write it down, it gets out of my head and leaves me alone, and I can fall asleep a bit easier! :)

Medicine

I WILL take my medication.  Because although the side effects suck (insomnia, hallucinations, swelling of my legs/feet/ankles, reduced bone density... the list goes on)... it IS making me feel better.  I feel normal.  I feel like I can go out and not have to panic if I can't see a restroom at all times.  

Plus, I kinda HAVE to take my medication, because it's such a high, potent dose that if I stop it suddenly, I actually could die.  Like no shit.  Dead.  Bam.   So yeah.  That kinda scares me into taking it.

Yoga/Pilates

I'm going to try it.  No guarantees.  But this month I will TRY.  I need to build my muscles back up, cos of the wastage I've had from being in bed for 20+ consecutive days.

Positives

I'm trying to stay positive.  I'm trying to look forwards.  I spent a good hour or so chatting to a friend the other day about my 5ish year plan, and I'm so excited.  There are so many things I want to do and so little time to do it.  It includes graduating, travelling, maybe even saving for a house deposit to get into the property market, getting a good job, all sorts.  I want to get my independence.  I've always said I don't want to live with my parents past the age of 25, it's my goal to move out by then, but while I'm a poor university student, it just totally makes monetary sense to live with them.  :)

Ok, that's all for now.  But I have lots of other things I am excited about February for, but mostly it's getting better, and getting back on track, ready for university on MARCH 5TH!!!!  Weehooo!!  I'm so going stir cray-zay at home, so I'm very excited to get out of here in a month for my studies.  I have very exciting papers this year, they aren't actually the classes I wanted to do the most, but I'm going to make the most out of them, because the ones I REALLY wanted to do all clashed.  :(  But, STAYING positive, its going to be a good year.  I PLAN on it.

Sick of Being Sick

I went to bed on New Years Eve at 9pm.  I'm THAT cool.  I had been at work all day, feeling miserable ALL day, looking forward to getting home ALL DAY.  I woke up at 11am on New Years Day, promptly threw up, and felt miserable until I went back to bed at 3pm.  Happy 2012! -_-

It's now the end of the 4th of January, and there's been little improvement.  I didn't eat for the first two days of the new year (therefore couldn't take my normal medications), and on the third, I managed to eat a normal dinner (yay!) and keep it down.  However, today, I felt ok so I had smoothie for breakfast, and potatoes for lunch (with medication).  Then, right before dinner, I threw up again. 

ARGHHHHH I'm so angry, things were starting to look better and now we're back to square one.

I did have a peculiar dream though, possibly to do with the book I'm currently reading (Remember Me, by Christopher Pike) on New Years Eve... I dreamed that I went to sleep and never woke up.  And that it didn't even scare me.  Death has always been something that has terrified me, so for me to wake up feeling as though death might not be so bad, THAT scared me. 

What is going on?!

Read Me

http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

All I can say, is that this is an amazing, well written article, and I think EVERYONE should read it.  It's something I've personally pondered for a long, long time, and have never been able to find the words to say it so eloquently.  I want you to do 3 things.

Read ALL 3 pages.

Consider your own actions, & decide to change them.

Spread the word.

Summer

Some pictures I'm really feeling right now.  Bring on summer.

Past Lives

I am fascinated by all things supernatural and spiritual.  I think I saw a ghost once.  I've been in haunted houses.  I believe in mediums and psychics.  I think I sometimes see my Pop turn lights on and off as I drive by.  I read horoscopes.  I would like someone to do tarot cards for me one day.  I love Charmed.  Secretly I wish I could be in a coven haha... it would be so cool!  So for me, the idea of past-lives is entirely plausible.

Now, why, you might ask, am I suddenly talking about past lives?  Well.  Tonight I saw a movie, Footloose.  Yes it was the remake.  No it wasn't terrible.  And no, I haven't seen the original, but now I really want to.  Anyway, I promise this is related.  The music was so good, and I couldn't help but dance along in my seat.  So, I reckon in my past life I was a dancer of some sort.  I danced when I was little, and if I hadn't moved around so much, I think I would really have gotten into it!  Especially after a school play which involved rock'n roll dancing.  SO much fun.

Maybe I was a teen in the 50s or 60s in a past life, and my life was cut tragically short... who knows.  It would also be fun to have been a flapper in the 20s.

If someone could take the initiative and open up a club in town which played 50s and 60s rock n roll music, served milkshakes as well as cocktails, and had a jukebox, I would live there.  I would dance there all the time. 

I know there is Boogie Wonderland, but that's real 80s and full of people my parents ages reliving their youth.  Don't get me wrong, that's perfectly fine, but I want to go to a place where guys and girls my age dance together, but not in a way where nothing is left to the imagination. 

I don't like clubs in town, with their stupid remixes of good songs, and clubby DJ'ed music, where everyone is so drunk they stopped caring about the music and the dancing, where instead they writhe on the dancefloor in a sweaty heaving mess.  No.  I want guys to approach girls, and ask them to dance for a song or two.

I swear, I have been young in the wrong era.  Someone build a time machine and take me back to the 60s, stat!

Stress

It's that time of the university semester.  Everything is due.  All at once.  Once means right now.

I might pass out with fear.  I think I already failed my French grammar test.  It was so terrible.  I hate failing.  It makes me so sad.  I try not to fail, but maaaaan French is sooo bad.  I can't wait to drop it. 

I'm already looking forward... I want to plan my timetable for next year and begin re-enrolling at uni already... but I just have to focus and get through the next two weeks first.  

ARGHHHH.

I need a hug.

As a side note, I also need a hug because today in anthropology class we had to watch baby chickens be force fed poison and subsequently die.  I'm disturbed by this very much.  To counter-act this, I'm going to add a picture of live baby chickens. 

 

I feel a bit better now.

Oh. I Forgot I Had a Blog.

The infrequency of my posts and their random content.  Pretty much sums me up really.  I'm not easily distra...oooh shiny!  Kidding.  But seriously, my mind goes everywhere.  One minute I'm obsessed with a particular author/singer/website/food/*insert addictive item here*, and the next minute I've forgotten what my previous obsession was.

I don't think I was ever meant to be a regular blogger.  I really only blog if I have something I really want or need to say.  Usually it's important to me.  Most of the time it won't mean a thing to anyone else.  And that's totally cool.

So.  Current obsessions.  Demi Lovato's new CD Unbroken, and also Annah Mac's Little Stranger.  Oh and who could forget Lady Antebellum's new one We Own the Night.  Yeah, I might have spent $100 on CDs last week.  Oops.  Oh well.  Love love love.   :)  I also can't get enough of fresh oranges.  Om nom nom. 

I am somewhat in denial about the next two weeks.  There's so much scary pass/fail crap happening at uni and I'm terrified of failure.  Unfortunately, that terror makes me freeze in fear.  It's a vicious cycle.  I am my own worst enemy.  Here's hoping last minute will work again this time.  Here is a picture of my current mindset...

Soooo yeah.  This is a pretty random blog.  I'm excited for summer and moving home, but I have to get thru the next two weeks.  Maybe I should disable FB for that time... I HAVE been using it a LOT less than normal lately tho, so I don't think that should be too much of an issue.

Until next time I have something I need to say... toodles!