It's Kind of Sad...

...when you leave the radio on all the time just for company.

...when you spend far too much time on Facebook for company.

...when you thought you would like living alone.

Oops.  I was a bit wrong.  Maybe that's why I like being home on the weekends so much.

Feeling a Bit Worthless.

I thought the whole "uni" thing was going well, I was making new friends, I was maintaining old friendships.

Turns out hardly any of my friends, new or old, can be bothered to come to my 21st party.  Or said they were coming, so we ordered enough catering, then turned around and made excuses.

It just makes me feel a little bit worthless... and I kind of want to cancel the whole thing.

I guess I just need to focus on the people who are going out of their way to come, like my Aunty, coming from 1hr flight away just for me. <3

A New Kind of Pressure.

When I was 14, I got into a bit of trouble, and that was peer pressure.  I thought if I didn't do it like everybody else, I would never be accepted, I'd always be the freak on the outside.  Needless to say, it didn't work, all that happened was a lot of trouble, and a long time of being grounded.

I thought, foolishly, that at 20, nearly 21, peer pressure would be but a distant memory, something long in the past that I learned from, and would never let influence me again.  I also figured that people at my age and older, would be way past this stage of trying to dictate what others should do.

How wrong could I be.

I may be 20, but apparently what people say still affects me.  I may say I've learned my lesson, but with what has been happening, I'm not so sure I have.  But then again, who says society and the people who are pressuring me are right in the first place.

What I am talking about, is NOT illegal, so don't go thinking terrible things.  It's to do with the simple thing of moving out of home.  There is NOTHING wrong with living at home at 20 years old.  Especially when you are a full time university student, and the government barely gives you enough to live off each week.  But this is not what I've been hearing.

I moved into a university hall of residence, even though my house is only 45min train ride from uni, because everyone said it was a good idea, that it was time I left home, that I should be getting more independent.  I was reluctant, not terribly keen, but I relented because I figured it would be better to live closer to uni, and not have to commute and deal with when my parents move house.

As for being independent?  Well EXCUSE me, but I was incredibly independent for 2.5 months when I was in Europe, I can take care of myself, I'm not stupid, I'm not immature.  Did anyone think to even ASK me if I liked being at home?! No!  I in fact DO like being at home.  And being semi-forced out was not pleasant.  Now I'm stuck with the task of trying to get out of a year long contract so I can move home because it is cheaper (my room rent is highway robbery, and I can't afford it for the rest of the year.  End of Story.).

Now don't get me wrong, my parents are perfectly happy to have me living at home, it will be good for all of us, and much cheaper, seeing as they are actually having to help me pay for this stupid room.

I'm just EFFING SICK of people telling me that I'm too old to live at home!  EVERYONE does it these days.  It's not a bad thing.  So back the freak off okay? I want to live at home, my parents have NO problem with it, it's none of YOUR business, so shut up and leave me alone.  I'm not WEIRD.  You are for being stuck in the mindset that at 18 you should pack up and ship out of home.  These days, that isn't the norm as much.  So stop making me feel bad for wanting to move back home, and do something that is RIGHT for me for ONCE in my life.

Kthanksbye.

I guess I should fill you in...!

Well.  My absence of blogs has been unnoticed by most, but for those who do read it, I feel obliged to update you on, well, my life!

So, I'm in week 2 of my university life, and I LOVE it.  So far.  Ask me again in Week 6, and I might tell another story.  

But at this point and time I am really enjoying it.  Learning, instead of working.  Making friends, instead of sitting at my desk all day in front of a computer.

Seriously, I've made so many friends, I'm so glad.  I was told I would find it hard, but really, I haven't.  I've totally gone out of my comfort zone, I've made it habit to introduce myself when I sit next to someone new in lectures, I go up to people who look lonely or lost and say hi, I always end up seeing someone I know.  It's great.  

And then there are the people who I was in the same year group with at high school, who are now 2 or 3 years ahead of me because they didn't take gap years like me.  And you know what?  It doesn't bother me one bit.  That's cool, they wanted to study.  I didn't want to. That's cool too. But now I do, and it's great!  I still see these people, I run into them, and they seem genuinely surprised and glad to see me, like they thought I would never go to uni.  It was always in my plan to go to uni, I just wasn't sure when! :)  NOW! :D

As for my living situation, well I decided very last minute that over-the-hill wasn't going to be so great for my first year, in fact, it would have been so different, all that commuting, and not having flexibility with my time.  Instead, I've moved into the central city, and while it has it's downfalls (a daily 4.30am greeting from the rubbish truck, drunk people yelling and screaming on Weds/Fri/Sat nights...) for the most part, it's pretty cool.  

I'm so CLOSE to everything.  Seriously.  Video store for cheap rentals, night clubs (but if you know me, I don't tend to go clubbing!), supermarket 200m away, and a building full of potential friends (107 other people to be exact! When full of course, which it isn't right now, but it will fill up some more soon!).  Also close to bus/train back home, as well as around the city, where there is soooooooo much to do.  It's self catered, which sucks a little bit when I can't be bothered cooking, but that's ok.  If I don't cook, I don't cook.  I eat toast for dinner.  It won't kill me haha.

So that's about it for now, hopefully I won't leave it so long between now and my next blog!

Hope the world is treating you all kindly.

xx

Project 365!

http://keepingthemindatplay.blogspot.com/

^^^ Check it out!  :)  I'm having so much fun doing it.

Quizzy Thing! :)

If you were to take the last name of the person who text you last, what would it be?
Jackson (it was my mum!)

If you woke up naked next to the last person you text, what would your reaction be?

Concern!

Last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?

The other day...!

What girls do you talk to most?

Mum, Rachel, Audrey and Ali

How many $20 bills do you have on you right now?
None :(

Are there any stressful situations in your life right now?

Yeah we're moving, I'm about to start university, my mum just left her job... argh!

Do you enjoy late night phone calls?

I don't like to talk on the phone haha

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook?

Lauren!

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?

Nope, all mine.

Who is the last person you were in a car with besides family?

Ohhh that's a tough one.  Probably Lucy and Vai.

Who's bed did you sleep in last night?  

Mine

When was the last time you spoke to your sibling?

Never!
Does anyone have a tattoo of your name?

Not anyone I know!

Have you even snuck someone over while your parents were asleep?
Uh no.

What do you wanna do after high school?
I finished high school ages ago... I still don't know!

When did you stop believing in Santa Claus?
When I was about...8 or 9?

Who's birthday is next?
Jessica

Do you start the water before getting in the shower?
Of course - none of this cold shower business!

Does your family have family picnics?
Nope...

What is your siblings middle name?
Same as their first name - nothing!

If you had 2 baby boys & 2 baby girls what would you name them?
Hmm... I have never thought about boy names much... I think I'd pick only when the time came.  But girls, I love the names Cassidy and Cadance.  The middle names would be Linzi (after my late aunty) and Gabriella (what my sisters name would have been if I'd had one).  Not sure what order.

If you had those babies with the last person you slept with, what would their last names be? 
Haha next question please.

What is something you dislike about today?
I had work!

Are you friends with someone who has broken your heart?
No

Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
Yeah, I had to do 200 in a row once... I nearly passed out!

Do you have one friend who knows you inside and out?
Not really, my friends never really stick around long enough to be like that!

What's your favorite colour?
Are you kidding?  Lame question man.  But, yellow.

Did you like someone this summer?
Yes

Is smoking unattractive?
Heck yes!

Did you forgive the last person who really hurt you?
I'm kinda over it now, so I guess it's "forgiving", but like they say, once bitten, twice shy... so I'm not going back there.

What do you think of when you hear "meow"?
My 3 cats (they're so cute!)

Did you kiss anyone today?
My poppa when he arrived for a visit!

When will you kiss someone on the lips next?
I have no clue!

Have you ever had stitches?
Yeah, when they cut something out of my scalp (it was nasty!!) and when they removed teeth from my mouth... yuck!

When did you LAST kiss someone?

I can't remember.

Where is your ex right now?

In the house he moved into just before we broke up lol...

 
What is the closest blue thing to you?
My anklet and my iPod :)

Were you happy this morning?
At six in the morning?  Heck no.

It's midnight.. Who are you texting?
Mr Nobody... I'm usually always asleep by then!

Wednesday after noon, where are you?
Work!

Who were the last 4 people to text you?
Ali, Mum, Jenn (!), Samantha

What's on your mind?
Moving house. (fml!)

Do you like chess?
No... never learned to play... would like to one day though, when I am rich and don't need to work!

What can you hear?
Burlesque Soundtrack!!  Obsessed!

Have you held hands with anyone in the last 4 days?
No

When was the last time you consumed alcohol?
Can't remember!

Have you even kissed a smoker?
No

Do you fall in love easily?
No

What's on your wrists?
My silver bangle

Where were you Friday night?
Home.

Will you ever get a tattoo?
I have one already!

This time last year, we're you happy?
No, I was being driven mad by a biatch I worked with (I later quit in May!)

Will you have the same best friend this time next year?
I don't have one right now, just a few really really good friends (it's hard to be totally best friends when you're spread around the world!)

What about bf/gf?
I don't have one right now...

Do you drive?
Heck yes, I love to!

Are you missing anyone right now?

Of course!

One of THOSE Days...

For some reason I'm feeling incredibly blah right now.  I'm tired, unmotivated, can't be bothered making small talk, just want to crawl into my bed and sleep for the rest of the week.  I wake up in the morning, already looking forward to going to bed at night.  I watch the clock at work, willing it to be 2pm already.  I see nobody except those I have to see as I go about my daily routine - ie. work mates and my parents.  I don't go out.  I feel like I haven't laughed in forever.  People pick pathetic fights with me (I swear, I don't ask for it.  It just seems to happen a fair amount... I don't think I'm that controversial am I?) and it feels like they are massive and are going to take over my life.

The weird thing is, I can't actually pinpoint why.  A few separate issues I've already resolved.  I already worked out that my lips were chapped and dry cos I didn't drink as much water over the hols as I should have.  I worked out that I had a stomach ache from ice cream.  But this one stumps me.  This one's in my head.

If I can't work out the cause, how can I fix it?

It might have something to do with all the changes right now... starting university, moving to another town (further away from uni than I already am!), my mum quitting her job...

I think I'll just try and sleep this one off.

Goodnight.