Sick of Being Sick

I went to bed on New Years Eve at 9pm.  I'm THAT cool.  I had been at work all day, feeling miserable ALL day, looking forward to getting home ALL DAY.  I woke up at 11am on New Years Day, promptly threw up, and felt miserable until I went back to bed at 3pm.  Happy 2012! -_-

It's now the end of the 4th of January, and there's been little improvement.  I didn't eat for the first two days of the new year (therefore couldn't take my normal medications), and on the third, I managed to eat a normal dinner (yay!) and keep it down.  However, today, I felt ok so I had smoothie for breakfast, and potatoes for lunch (with medication).  Then, right before dinner, I threw up again. 

ARGHHHHH I'm so angry, things were starting to look better and now we're back to square one.

I did have a peculiar dream though, possibly to do with the book I'm currently reading (Remember Me, by Christopher Pike) on New Years Eve... I dreamed that I went to sleep and never woke up.  And that it didn't even scare me.  Death has always been something that has terrified me, so for me to wake up feeling as though death might not be so bad, THAT scared me. 

What is going on?!

Read Me

http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

All I can say, is that this is an amazing, well written article, and I think EVERYONE should read it.  It's something I've personally pondered for a long, long time, and have never been able to find the words to say it so eloquently.  I want you to do 3 things.

Read ALL 3 pages.

Consider your own actions, & decide to change them.

Spread the word.

Summer

Some pictures I'm really feeling right now.  Bring on summer.

Past Lives

I am fascinated by all things supernatural and spiritual.  I think I saw a ghost once.  I've been in haunted houses.  I believe in mediums and psychics.  I think I sometimes see my Pop turn lights on and off as I drive by.  I read horoscopes.  I would like someone to do tarot cards for me one day.  I love Charmed.  Secretly I wish I could be in a coven haha... it would be so cool!  So for me, the idea of past-lives is entirely plausible.

Now, why, you might ask, am I suddenly talking about past lives?  Well.  Tonight I saw a movie, Footloose.  Yes it was the remake.  No it wasn't terrible.  And no, I haven't seen the original, but now I really want to.  Anyway, I promise this is related.  The music was so good, and I couldn't help but dance along in my seat.  So, I reckon in my past life I was a dancer of some sort.  I danced when I was little, and if I hadn't moved around so much, I think I would really have gotten into it!  Especially after a school play which involved rock'n roll dancing.  SO much fun.

Maybe I was a teen in the 50s or 60s in a past life, and my life was cut tragically short... who knows.  It would also be fun to have been a flapper in the 20s.

If someone could take the initiative and open up a club in town which played 50s and 60s rock n roll music, served milkshakes as well as cocktails, and had a jukebox, I would live there.  I would dance there all the time. 

I know there is Boogie Wonderland, but that's real 80s and full of people my parents ages reliving their youth.  Don't get me wrong, that's perfectly fine, but I want to go to a place where guys and girls my age dance together, but not in a way where nothing is left to the imagination. 

I don't like clubs in town, with their stupid remixes of good songs, and clubby DJ'ed music, where everyone is so drunk they stopped caring about the music and the dancing, where instead they writhe on the dancefloor in a sweaty heaving mess.  No.  I want guys to approach girls, and ask them to dance for a song or two.

I swear, I have been young in the wrong era.  Someone build a time machine and take me back to the 60s, stat!

Stress

It's that time of the university semester.  Everything is due.  All at once.  Once means right now.

I might pass out with fear.  I think I already failed my French grammar test.  It was so terrible.  I hate failing.  It makes me so sad.  I try not to fail, but maaaaan French is sooo bad.  I can't wait to drop it. 

I'm already looking forward... I want to plan my timetable for next year and begin re-enrolling at uni already... but I just have to focus and get through the next two weeks first.  

ARGHHHH.

I need a hug.

As a side note, I also need a hug because today in anthropology class we had to watch baby chickens be force fed poison and subsequently die.  I'm disturbed by this very much.  To counter-act this, I'm going to add a picture of live baby chickens. 

 

I feel a bit better now.

Oh. I Forgot I Had a Blog.

The infrequency of my posts and their random content.  Pretty much sums me up really.  I'm not easily distra...oooh shiny!  Kidding.  But seriously, my mind goes everywhere.  One minute I'm obsessed with a particular author/singer/website/food/*insert addictive item here*, and the next minute I've forgotten what my previous obsession was.

I don't think I was ever meant to be a regular blogger.  I really only blog if I have something I really want or need to say.  Usually it's important to me.  Most of the time it won't mean a thing to anyone else.  And that's totally cool.

So.  Current obsessions.  Demi Lovato's new CD Unbroken, and also Annah Mac's Little Stranger.  Oh and who could forget Lady Antebellum's new one We Own the Night.  Yeah, I might have spent $100 on CDs last week.  Oops.  Oh well.  Love love love.   :)  I also can't get enough of fresh oranges.  Om nom nom. 

I am somewhat in denial about the next two weeks.  There's so much scary pass/fail crap happening at uni and I'm terrified of failure.  Unfortunately, that terror makes me freeze in fear.  It's a vicious cycle.  I am my own worst enemy.  Here's hoping last minute will work again this time.  Here is a picture of my current mindset...

Soooo yeah.  This is a pretty random blog.  I'm excited for summer and moving home, but I have to get thru the next two weeks.  Maybe I should disable FB for that time... I HAVE been using it a LOT less than normal lately tho, so I don't think that should be too much of an issue.

Until next time I have something I need to say... toodles!

Lists

I like to make lists.  It helps me make things make sense in my head.  Because they so often don't. 

Ok, so these aren't really lists, but more of a weighing up of my options.

OPTION 1: 

Missoula, Montana, USA for 5 months (approx) in 2012 Fall Semester for Study Abroad Exchange

Pros: Studying abroad, making new friends, going to an American college, visiting my favourite friends in Utah, hopping across to New York for a visit, spending (a white!) Christmas there when my parents fly over to spend it with me, during which we will travel around USA a little bit together, visiting Utah (again) and Vegas before making our way back to LA.

Cons: Expensive, I don't have a job (hard to make money) and I have to fund my own flights, accommodation, spending money, and the trips I want to do while I'm there visiting friends and places I've not been.  Spending such a long time away from home.  Trying to understand a different university system.  Coping with my illness overseas.  Trying to study while also having a good time getting out and about.  I've also already been to America for holidays... so it won't be too much new.  Also, I have to have a B grade average with my studies here in NZ to be eligible to go, and that's so stressful.  If I don't have that, then it will certainly be option 2!!  And the application process for exchange is super intense and scares me.  A lot.

OPTION 2:

Holiday to Malaysia (maybe for a month during NZ summer, or a couple of weeks during NZ winter) in 2012. 


Pros: Going back to the country I lived for three years, revisiting the places I loved, making new memories, solidifying old memories, seeing the place through maturer eyes (I was nearly 15 when I left, I'm now 21 and haven't been back yet).  Amazing food, amazing shopping.  CHEAP - food, flights, accommodation, everything!!  I have friends I can stay with, people to visit, etc. and places I want to go that I missed out on last time.  Warm climate.  Not away from home for too long.  Actually have a holiday, don't have to study.  Also, I've been having a recurring dream that I go back to Malaysia, and I feel complete... I wake up feeling like I REALLY have to go back, sooner rather than later.  I'm homesick for Malaysia.

Cons: I can only do one of the two options.  Going to Malaysia might destroy some memories I had (but that's ok, really.) and I might not like it now that I'm older (unlikely!).  Still, don't have a job.  Will have to work hard and save hard when I do get one, but this trip would be cheaper and therefore faster and easier to save for...

OK.  So comment and tell me which you think?  I'm leaning towards the holiday to Malaysia, just because it's easier, cheaper, and far more within my monetary reach.  Plus, I still intend to go to USA again someday soon.  

HELP?


UPDATE
I've thought of an option 3.  Going to a new place, somewhere I haven't been before, like one of the pacific islands...  But if I'm going to be completely honest, I'd have to say that I'd choose revisiting Malaysia over a pacific island.  Once I've been back to Malaysia, and that need is satisfied, I think pacific islands will be next on my list.