Stress

It's that time of the university semester.  Everything is due.  All at once.  Once means right now.

I might pass out with fear.  I think I already failed my French grammar test.  It was so terrible.  I hate failing.  It makes me so sad.  I try not to fail, but maaaaan French is sooo bad.  I can't wait to drop it. 

I'm already looking forward... I want to plan my timetable for next year and begin re-enrolling at uni already... but I just have to focus and get through the next two weeks first.  

ARGHHHH.

I need a hug.

As a side note, I also need a hug because today in anthropology class we had to watch baby chickens be force fed poison and subsequently die.  I'm disturbed by this very much.  To counter-act this, I'm going to add a picture of live baby chickens. 

 

I feel a bit better now.

Oh. I Forgot I Had a Blog.

The infrequency of my posts and their random content.  Pretty much sums me up really.  I'm not easily distra...oooh shiny!  Kidding.  But seriously, my mind goes everywhere.  One minute I'm obsessed with a particular author/singer/website/food/*insert addictive item here*, and the next minute I've forgotten what my previous obsession was.

I don't think I was ever meant to be a regular blogger.  I really only blog if I have something I really want or need to say.  Usually it's important to me.  Most of the time it won't mean a thing to anyone else.  And that's totally cool.

So.  Current obsessions.  Demi Lovato's new CD Unbroken, and also Annah Mac's Little Stranger.  Oh and who could forget Lady Antebellum's new one We Own the Night.  Yeah, I might have spent $100 on CDs last week.  Oops.  Oh well.  Love love love.   :)  I also can't get enough of fresh oranges.  Om nom nom. 

I am somewhat in denial about the next two weeks.  There's so much scary pass/fail crap happening at uni and I'm terrified of failure.  Unfortunately, that terror makes me freeze in fear.  It's a vicious cycle.  I am my own worst enemy.  Here's hoping last minute will work again this time.  Here is a picture of my current mindset...

Soooo yeah.  This is a pretty random blog.  I'm excited for summer and moving home, but I have to get thru the next two weeks.  Maybe I should disable FB for that time... I HAVE been using it a LOT less than normal lately tho, so I don't think that should be too much of an issue.

Until next time I have something I need to say... toodles!

Lists

I like to make lists.  It helps me make things make sense in my head.  Because they so often don't. 

Ok, so these aren't really lists, but more of a weighing up of my options.

OPTION 1: 

Missoula, Montana, USA for 5 months (approx) in 2012 Fall Semester for Study Abroad Exchange

Pros: Studying abroad, making new friends, going to an American college, visiting my favourite friends in Utah, hopping across to New York for a visit, spending (a white!) Christmas there when my parents fly over to spend it with me, during which we will travel around USA a little bit together, visiting Utah (again) and Vegas before making our way back to LA.

Cons: Expensive, I don't have a job (hard to make money) and I have to fund my own flights, accommodation, spending money, and the trips I want to do while I'm there visiting friends and places I've not been.  Spending such a long time away from home.  Trying to understand a different university system.  Coping with my illness overseas.  Trying to study while also having a good time getting out and about.  I've also already been to America for holidays... so it won't be too much new.  Also, I have to have a B grade average with my studies here in NZ to be eligible to go, and that's so stressful.  If I don't have that, then it will certainly be option 2!!  And the application process for exchange is super intense and scares me.  A lot.

OPTION 2:

Holiday to Malaysia (maybe for a month during NZ summer, or a couple of weeks during NZ winter) in 2012. 


Pros: Going back to the country I lived for three years, revisiting the places I loved, making new memories, solidifying old memories, seeing the place through maturer eyes (I was nearly 15 when I left, I'm now 21 and haven't been back yet).  Amazing food, amazing shopping.  CHEAP - food, flights, accommodation, everything!!  I have friends I can stay with, people to visit, etc. and places I want to go that I missed out on last time.  Warm climate.  Not away from home for too long.  Actually have a holiday, don't have to study.  Also, I've been having a recurring dream that I go back to Malaysia, and I feel complete... I wake up feeling like I REALLY have to go back, sooner rather than later.  I'm homesick for Malaysia.

Cons: I can only do one of the two options.  Going to Malaysia might destroy some memories I had (but that's ok, really.) and I might not like it now that I'm older (unlikely!).  Still, don't have a job.  Will have to work hard and save hard when I do get one, but this trip would be cheaper and therefore faster and easier to save for...

OK.  So comment and tell me which you think?  I'm leaning towards the holiday to Malaysia, just because it's easier, cheaper, and far more within my monetary reach.  Plus, I still intend to go to USA again someday soon.  

HELP?


UPDATE
I've thought of an option 3.  Going to a new place, somewhere I haven't been before, like one of the pacific islands...  But if I'm going to be completely honest, I'd have to say that I'd choose revisiting Malaysia over a pacific island.  Once I've been back to Malaysia, and that need is satisfied, I think pacific islands will be next on my list.

Floating

That's what it feels like right now.  Like I'm floating, not quite touching anything, just keeping my head above water. 

I'm so sick of living in the city.  People joke and call me a townie (because my parents now live in an area deemed rural) but honestly, I hate the big city life.  Give me a town or small community any day. 

I feel so tired all the time too, which is annoying.  Right now, it's not even 9pm, yet I'm gazing longingly at my bed, looking forward to the moment I can sink into its embrace. 

I can't seem to concentrate on anything much, my attention span lasts for all of a few minutes.  Which is why this blog is also short.  Because before you can sing the alphabet, I'll be looking back at Facebook, trying to write my class notes, or reading my book.  Heck, I can't even watch television without stopping and starting all the time, and fidgeting the whole way through.

I can't wait for summer.  Summer won't fix my problems, but it will mean I won't have to work so hard to stop them from taking over my life!

Luck.

Normally I don't have much luck!  But last week, I won an iPad and $500 petrol vouchers off the local radio station!  I was so stoked, I was jumping around the house screaming and laughing and couldn't stop grinning for ages. It's the best thing I've ever won!  I never normally win anything and only entered the competition for the whole "gotta be in it to win it" thing, so could not believe my luck!

I personally would never have forked out the money to BUY an iPad, because I have a perfectly useable laptop.  I wanted one, but would never be able to justify it with my laptop.  However, to win one, that's such a luxury!  I love it completely!

I finally picked it up on Monday and had the composure to resist opening it until tonight (Friday).  I've been playing with it all night, adding apps and playing around with the settings.  I am so in love with this thing.  It's so dinky!  It will be so handy to have for travelling and everything too!  It's so compact and light! :)  It's white, 16 GB and lovely.  I've only put my fave music on it.  :)

If you ever have the chance to get an iPad, I'd highly recommend it! :)

Only The Good Die Young.

It's so true. 

Rest in Peace Chris.

You were an amazing guy who touched so many peoples lives, even if they only met you briefly.  

Your spirit was so strong and energetic, and you were always so lively and fun.  

I am sad that nobody else will be graced by your presence, but rest assured that those of us who were, will forever keep you alive in our memories and hearts.  

My sincerest condolences and love to your family.  

Heaven has a new angel, and one who I'm sure will be the life of the party. :)

That Awkward Moment When...

... you promised to finish an assignment so you can go home in the weekend.  I can't seem to concentrate on reading the stupid article, to get the damn article review essay thing written.  It's driving me mad, cos I really want to go home, but I can't focus!!!  ARGHHH.