I'm Bored.

A

- Available: Yes

 - Age: 21

- Annoyance: Dad is eating rice crackers and it's really loud.

- Animal: Squirrel

-Actress: Anne Hathaway

B

- Beer: Is still gross.

- Body Part on opposite sex: Eyes

- Best Feeling in the world: When you drop suddenly and its like you left your stomach at the top

- Been on stage?: Yes, for singing and poetry recital and a Bible reading

- Believe in yourself?: Sure, why not.

- Believe in life on other planets: Maybe.

- Believe in magic: Anything can be magical, you just need to know how to look.

- Believe in Evolution: Yes.

C

- Car: Yellow VW Beetle

- Color: The whole goshdarn rainbow.

- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate

- Chinese/Mexican: Why is it necessary to choose?  A Chinese Mexican, or a Mexican Chinese.

- Cake or pie: Cake

- Country to visit: Somewhere in Africa, and South America.

- Comedian: Rhys Darby

D

- Day or Night: Night

- Dream vehicle: Yellow VW Beetle - preferably convertible

- Dance in the rain? Only to a Taylor Swift song.

E

- Eggs: Are disgusting.

- Eyes: Well mine are green.

- Everyone has: an ulterior motive.

- Ever failed a class?: Not really, but I've done really badly in Chemistry and English.

F

- First crush: Hmm, hard to remember. 

- First thoughts waking up: Morning already?! Grr!

- Food: Cheeseburger.  Grapes.  Feijoa.  Broccoli.

- Flowers: Daisy.

G

- Greatest Fear: Deep water, natural disasters, earthquakes

- Goals: Graduating university, university exchange to Montana, USA, and travel.

H

- Height: Average

- Holiday: Yes please.

- Health Freak: Inner Health Freak.  Don't have enough will power.

- Hate: Capsicum, tomatoes, marmelade, raw onion.  Also: child & animal cruelty.

- Heart Broken/when/who?: I'm sorry, what?

I

- Ice Cream: Jelly Tip

- Instrument: Piano & Cello

J

- Jewelry: Yes please.

- Job: I'm a bum, living off the govt. ;)

K

- Kids: One day

- Kick boxing or karate: Neither.

- Keep a journal?: Nahh, that's why I have this blog.

L

- Longest Car Ride: Never!  Love road trips.

- Love: has yet to find me.

- Laughed so hard you cried: Best thing ever.

- Love at first sight: is a movie phenomenon

- Lyrics: "I laugh at my own jokes, and what I deem to be clever wit, and you don't seem to mind that I'm so stupid"

M

- Milk flavor: Strawberry

- Movie: Becoming Jane, Mamma Mia, Hairspray... many more

- Marriage?: Perhaps. Who's asking? :D

- Motion sickness?: I get it.

- McD's or BK: Either.

- Memory: "flipper, noggin...duuuuuuuuude"

N

- Number of Siblings: 0

- Number: 24

O

- Overused Phrase: amazeballs.

- Odd phobia: The volume setting on a radio not being on an even number freaks me out.

P

- Place you'd like to live: Penang again, LA, Nice

- Pizza: is best homemade.

- Pepsi/Coke: SPRITE.

- Person you miss: Lots.

- Piercings: 5

Q

- Quail: Cute

- Quiet music or loud: Medium

R

- Reality TV: overrated

- Radio Station: The Edge

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Yes I can

- Relationship: Who's asking?

S

- Song: Betty, by Brooke Fraser

- Sushi: Chicken Teryaki flavour please

- Scent: Yves Saint Laurent Yvresse

- Smoked? Nahh

- Skinny dipped?: Yeah

- Sing well?: I wish

- Swear?: I wish I didn't. Well, I don't much, but less is better

- Stuffed Animals?: I have too many

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Both!

T

- Time for bed: Late

- Thunderstorms: Are awesome.

- TV: Can be good.

- Tattoos?: Got one.

U

- Unpredictable: The opposite of a Delta Goodrem song.

- Used to play: Badminton, Softball and Volleyball. And Netball when I was REALLY young.

V

- Vegetable you hate: Capsicum, & tomato.

- Vegetable you love: Brocolli & potato

- Vacation spot: Anywhere but here

- Valentines Day: Lame.

W

- Weakness: Lollies, and making friends with people who have a habit of turning around and crapping on me haha.

- Worst feeling: Never-ending tiredness.

- Want to be a model? It would be nice but noone would ever want me haha

X

- X-Rays: Teeth, and ankle.

Y

-Year it is now: 2011

-Yellow: Sunshine

Z

- Zoo animal: Meerkat

- Zodiac sign: Gemini!

Swings in Roundabouts.

When  I was a baby, I had no choices, I was dressed in pink, and admittedly, I followed that when I was a toddler... I was somewhat girly.

When I was a kid, I prided myself on not being girly, rather, on being a tomboy.  Makeup didn't interest me, I couldn't have cared less about clothes, and my hair was in a ponytail all the time.  I loathed shopping, couldn't think of anything worse, and my nails were never painted.

When I hit my teens, I still wasn't a girly girl, nor was I a tomboy.  I guess I was somewhere in the middle or something.  I went to a school with a strict dress/uniform code, so didn't have much opportunity to explore my options or individuality, and the friends I had (yes, past tense, but that's another story) didn't really care about fashion etc either, and weren't incredibly girly.

Now that I'm in my twenties, over the last couple of years where I've worked and travelled before settling down for university, I have finally developed a girlyness I've never really had before.  I now have a vague interest in makeup - I know what liquid eyeliner is now, and how to use it!  I love shopping, and buying clothes.  I may not have the best fashion sense, but I still love shopping. 

But now, I'm starting to feel like I need to get in touch with my minimalist side.  Although not entirely ditch the girlyness... but maybe tone it down.  I feel like I'm becoming a bit too superficial, a bit too reliant on material possessions, and a bit bad at just enjoying being.  I feel like I need to spend more time with my friends and family, doing things that don't necessarily involve lots of money or going shopping, but rather getting to know people, laughing and enjoying life.

One of these days, I'll work out who I am.

That Sinking Feeling

When you know someone doesn't care anymore, but you just can't let go.  

It doesn't help that when one of your favourite quotes is "when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place".

I'm determined to get to the bottom of this one day, but for now, I'm left hanging, wondering why.  Why it's so hard just to text back, or email back, or call me.  I'm tired of making the effort.  I'm almost as my ultimate giving up point. 

sigh.

Untouchable

We've just had a 3 day weekend.  They really are the best.  Next semester I have no classes on a Friday, so it will be like this EVERY weekend.  But enough about that.  That's not the point of this blog. 

The point of this blog is the fact that over the space of this weekend, nobody has contacted me.  Perhaps because I don't really have any/many friends and they are all too busy enjoying their own long weekends.

But it's been nice.  Really nice.  Not a single text message, nor going on Facebook chat.  It's relaxing.  I think I'll go back to my habit of never going on FB chat unless someone wallposts me that they are online and want to talk to me... thats how I used to be.  Can't remember why I stopped.

I think I was always online because living alone in town is lonely, and I liked to chat to people online, but it wasn't very productive.

So for now, I remain, to a degree, uncontactable...

...and untouchable.

It's Kind of Sad...

...when you leave the radio on all the time just for company.

...when you spend far too much time on Facebook for company.

...when you thought you would like living alone.

Oops.  I was a bit wrong.  Maybe that's why I like being home on the weekends so much.

Feeling a Bit Worthless.

I thought the whole "uni" thing was going well, I was making new friends, I was maintaining old friendships.

Turns out hardly any of my friends, new or old, can be bothered to come to my 21st party.  Or said they were coming, so we ordered enough catering, then turned around and made excuses.

It just makes me feel a little bit worthless... and I kind of want to cancel the whole thing.

I guess I just need to focus on the people who are going out of their way to come, like my Aunty, coming from 1hr flight away just for me. <3

A New Kind of Pressure.

When I was 14, I got into a bit of trouble, and that was peer pressure.  I thought if I didn't do it like everybody else, I would never be accepted, I'd always be the freak on the outside.  Needless to say, it didn't work, all that happened was a lot of trouble, and a long time of being grounded.

I thought, foolishly, that at 20, nearly 21, peer pressure would be but a distant memory, something long in the past that I learned from, and would never let influence me again.  I also figured that people at my age and older, would be way past this stage of trying to dictate what others should do.

How wrong could I be.

I may be 20, but apparently what people say still affects me.  I may say I've learned my lesson, but with what has been happening, I'm not so sure I have.  But then again, who says society and the people who are pressuring me are right in the first place.

What I am talking about, is NOT illegal, so don't go thinking terrible things.  It's to do with the simple thing of moving out of home.  There is NOTHING wrong with living at home at 20 years old.  Especially when you are a full time university student, and the government barely gives you enough to live off each week.  But this is not what I've been hearing.

I moved into a university hall of residence, even though my house is only 45min train ride from uni, because everyone said it was a good idea, that it was time I left home, that I should be getting more independent.  I was reluctant, not terribly keen, but I relented because I figured it would be better to live closer to uni, and not have to commute and deal with when my parents move house.

As for being independent?  Well EXCUSE me, but I was incredibly independent for 2.5 months when I was in Europe, I can take care of myself, I'm not stupid, I'm not immature.  Did anyone think to even ASK me if I liked being at home?! No!  I in fact DO like being at home.  And being semi-forced out was not pleasant.  Now I'm stuck with the task of trying to get out of a year long contract so I can move home because it is cheaper (my room rent is highway robbery, and I can't afford it for the rest of the year.  End of Story.).

Now don't get me wrong, my parents are perfectly happy to have me living at home, it will be good for all of us, and much cheaper, seeing as they are actually having to help me pay for this stupid room.

I'm just EFFING SICK of people telling me that I'm too old to live at home!  EVERYONE does it these days.  It's not a bad thing.  So back the freak off okay? I want to live at home, my parents have NO problem with it, it's none of YOUR business, so shut up and leave me alone.  I'm not WEIRD.  You are for being stuck in the mindset that at 18 you should pack up and ship out of home.  These days, that isn't the norm as much.  So stop making me feel bad for wanting to move back home, and do something that is RIGHT for me for ONCE in my life.

Kthanksbye.